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So…they are gay right? Camilla Belle and Maria Sharapova have been BFF’s for a while now. So much so that sources say that they may be having sensuous erotic girl on girl sexy relations. Top sources include me and my cock/balls.

Also in attendance were Camilla Belle and Maria Sharapova, who talked tennis and clothes. “This is my first couture show,” enthused Sharapova, while Belle raved about recently attending the Wimbledon tennis tournament in London. (WWD)

Again. In the immortal words of Laverne: MMmmm-hmm. Camilla’s at Wimbeldon cheering Maria on, Camilla’s at a fashion show cheering Maria on, Camilla’s on my couch cheering Maria on. Wait, that last part was written by Mortimer Ichabod Marker in my Judy Blume ‘Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing’ Diary. He can be such kidder!

If you’re a man’s man like me, you keep up with the sports even though it’s your job to write about bullshit celebrity gossip. So it’s nice when every now and then the two world’s cross. Like today. Turns out Alex Rodriguez (A-Rod), who has recently been linked to Madonna [which simultaneously excites and creeps me out] may have to keep his wife on a short leash because she’s reportedly banging Lenny Kravitz [whose mom was on the Jefferson's as the the lady who married the white guy].

Cynthia Rodriguez, 34, has been in Paris for at least the past four days visiting Grammy-winner Kravitz. C-Rod was seen outside the 44-year-old Kravitz’s pad in the romantic City of Light as recently as Tuesday night. Meanwhile, A-Rod has been in New York with the Bronx Bombers, reading headlines about his numerous visits to Madonna’s Upper West Side apartment, which were first reported by Us Weekly on Tuesday. (NY POST)

Cynthia Rodriguez is pretty hot and she looks like she could be on American Gladiators so I see why Lenny Kravitz is hitting that. I bet she cuddles the shit out of Lenny Kravitz at night.

A-Rod was named AL MVP for the third time last years and he consistently bats well, but some reason he’s considered a pariah by Yanks fans because of his low post-season batting averages. But then Yankees fans are little snooty. Either way, he makes more money than the whole national GDP of some Latin American countries, so that qualifies him to bang whomever he chooses. It’s in our constitution by God. Sports heroes, politicians and Kennedy’s get money for nothin’ and chicks for free. With the occasional socialite murder thrown in for good measure.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to ask my friend Sarah to explain the infield fly rule. What’s that all about?

Why is this guy famous? What does he do? Spencer Pratt rattles on about how he’s a “businessman”, but he’s no more than a self-righteous sanctimonious dick who gets everything he wants and treats everyone like shit. Therefore I think it is essential that multiple people kick his ass. The cool thing about rich kids is that a dude that pumps gas can still beat their sissy ass into a bloody, toothless mess. And no matter how many lawyers daddy hires and how much jail time someone gets for it, you still got your ass pounded and that shit stings.

I’m not inciting violence or threatening, so much as I’m just appealing to your sense of duty to human race. Do the right thing. Rocks are your friends. Here’s Spencer rolling back his foreskin and showing us his dick.

Pratt, 24, fired off a tersely-written statement to Usmagazine.com after [Mary Kate] Olsen, 22, told David Letterman The Hills star used to throw temper tantrums during their high school soccer games.”I apologize for getting caught up in trash talking, but she brought up an emotional subject when she mentioned the soccer stuff,” Pratt tells Us exclusively.”I know Dave was just doing his job in asking her,” he went on. “He’s the best in the game at that.” (US)

I love it when spoiled rich kids fight. It makes me forget about all the other cruel shit in world so I can focus my attention on brats who never had a day of strife in their life. Then I remember that they suck and also that Wal-Mart sells automatic rifle shells. You know what would be a cool super hero? The Malibu Punisher.

Here’s Heidi Montag, Pratt’s business partner in the final days before she gives up and becomes a porn star. Jesus loves her too!

So the newest trailer for the film On The Doll is out and if the last one hurt your sensibilities this one will pull your nuts out of the sack in a really jarring way. It has an expanded version of the ballbusting scene in which Brittany Snow goes 10 rounds with a dude’s nutsack (note: my gag reflex could only handle the first roll of the dice). Then, it shows some angry teen girls getting back at a perv in a decidedly not unpainful way. I can’t make it through to the end because when I watch it I feel like I should really call my mom and tell her why I cut the brake lines on her El Camino last night.

You can download the whole thing here and say goodbye to childhood.

PS. I know the video looks fucked up on my site. I’m working on it.

At least according to Pamela Anderson she is. Which is like the pot calling the kettle black. Or a whore calling another whore a black kettle. Which is little racist if you ask me.

Jessica upset Pammi and all her vegetarian chums by wearing a T-shirt proclaiming: “Real girls eat meat.” But now the former Baywatch babe has hit back with a spectacular insult. Speaking on radio in Australia – where she’s waiting to go into the Big Brother house – the star slammed her rival buxom blonde. Pammi blasted: “I think she is a bitch and whore. (Sun UK)

I love that shirt. I think girls should eat meat because of the high protein and nutrition. And also suck lots of dicks. Hey…wait minute.  I just got that! My stars. That Jessica is a hoot!

(images: Phun)

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Lindsay Lohan reportedly has a bastard half sister belonging to her father and another woman. Bastard may seem strong, but that’s the terminology. Like how a female dog is a bitch. And so is your whore girlfriend. Like that.

Linds’ father, Michael Lohan, has admitted to OK! that, while married — but at the time separated — to now-ex-wife Dina Lohan, he had a relationship with another woman which resulted in a pregnancy.
In a statement to OK!, Michael says, “Years later [the woman] contacted me, convincing me that I was the only person she was with and that she had my child.” (OK)

But Michael Lohan is doing the right thing and providing support for his illegitimate child right? ‘Course not!

Michael’s secret daughter has had many conversations with her dad, the girl’s mother tells OK!. He even called her for her 13th birthday on June 12. But he has never visited her or provided financial support.

And why should he? It’s not his fault the woman got pregnant. All he did was fuck her, leave it in and never call. Maybe that daughter needs start thinking about a job in showbiz. Those cocks aren’t going to suck themselves.

So the hotties over at cele|bitchy got official word from Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck thatthey are indeed staying together and “100%”  not getting a divorce. At least not until I show Jennifer my sexy dance moves. [ps. look at that question mark! It's like you don't know if the story is true, but you're asking if it is. Amazing!]

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Looks like Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck might be heading for a breakup. Apparently because the married couple are not seen together very much the speculation is that they are breaking up. It’s that or, they both have jobs and maybe they’re just gone sometimes during the day. COINCIDENCE??? [ed note: Can you believe that headline? I know, right? I should work for the Post or some shit]

Terribly unfortunate scuttlebutt has come my way. Sources insist to me that Jennifer Garner is considering splitting up from her hubby, Ben Affleck. Say it ain’t so, baby-cakes! Nevertheless, waiting on comment now from both parties. Could this be the reason Jen and Ben are always seen cooing over adorable daughter Violet separately, rarely as one happy family unit? Perhaps. And certainly, those who know the former Alias star well insist Ben’s mama has never particularly cared for the gal who broke Michael Vartan’s heart to hook up with Benny-Boy in the first place. (E!)

So, is Ben Affleck’s mom a big Alias fan or is she calling Jennifer Garner a whore? Because if my mom called my girl a whore, I’d want to see some proof like some plastic clear high heels, or a lower back tattoo, or her sucking some guy’s cock in front of me. I’m, thorough like that.

Singer, crackhead, hottie dead-man-walkin’ Amy Winehouse has smoked so much crack that she has emphysema - a disease usually relegated to lifelong chain-smoking coal miners.

Amy Winehouse, who has been hospitalized and undergoing tests after collapsing, is suffering the early stages of emphysema, her father says.

“With smoking the crack cocaine and the cigarettes her lungs are all gunked up,” Mitch Winehouse tells the Sunday Mirror in the U.K. “There are nodules around the chest and dark marks. She’s got 70 percent lung capacity.” (PEOPLE)

I’m no psychologist but I think it’s safe to say that Amy Winehouse loves drugs. She loves drugs like Christians love Jesus and little kids love puppies. I think if you asked Amy Winehouse to chew off her own leg or stop smoking crack for a half day she would say, “Can I get some Lowry’s? Because nothing brings out the flavor of leg like some Lowry’s seasoning salt.” It’s true.

Weekends are for links. Not really. Weekends are sitting around drinking beer and talking shit about The Man. Because the man likes to keep a brotha down. So sit back, grab a cold one, grill some steaks and don’t forget to kill whitey.

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